Changes

Experiencing changes either good or bad ways, it is still changes occurs.
I'm having difficulties with my surrounding.
Pretty much do not like the changes happening around including towards myself.
Most of the time I prefer being quiet, alone and worst part would be getting myself depression.
I feel that I have so many friends but yet, I still feel alone. I have someone who really care for me out there but yet, I am just too blind to actually accepting the fact that someone is there who really cares. I have no idea why. I hate it so much. I sometimes just hate it when I'm being like this. Words just couldn't describe. I sometimes feel so angry that I just want to punch something just to release my anger. I start going to the gym just to release all the stress I'm having towards myself. It's not that I do not want people to care, I really I do. In fact, it makes me happy but somehow, I just feel angry at myself for things that is going on towards my surrounding. I just push myself to my most top limit in the gym so that I do not have the strength to even get angry towards myself. However, there is just something that gonna rise me up again and thus, return back to the anger I have inside me. Pretty crazy life I'm facing. Pretty much anger I have inside of me not because of people makes me angry but because of myself. I expected so much that I let myself down. I expected so high that my expectation did not met.

I get so depressed that I started create emotional song just so I could tell how much it hurts in my heart without saying it by words but sang it out. I get so depressed that I start searching back all the emotional quotes, sad words and what not. I end up not bothering of how others felt because I got myself hurt. Others got hurt because I get myself hurt. I know it's unfair to others because they didn't do anything but yet they feel the pain. I am really sorry for that. I wish that I have amnesia so that I could forget all those stupid things that had happen. It is just to hurtful to make others feel the pain and including myself. But I don't mind I get the pain as long as others doesn't feel the pain.