My precious!

My Dearest Gloria Choo

Bea, Yen, Me, Malin and Willy

Grecilda

Gwendolyn Rinai

Jane, bawen, hunny, John, aerowine, shawn,
zach, brian, garnette, Gwendolyn, Jessica, Me
Nadirah

Me and My princess Joanna Fong

My lola Bunny Shaleen

me and Daniella@ Ello

Me, Katerina and John

Natasha and Me

My crazy church member!

my craziest college mate Agneas Piju

Barry and Aylwin

Mab, becka and willy

Alice Xiang

Brian Choo and me

Becka, me, Kristie and Mab

Willy and Jobby

Me and Joey

Me and John

Sizhen, Debbie and Alice

Amalina and her little brother

My dad's family and my brothers

My cousins, nephew, my mum and my brother

My cousin Nastassia Amanda

Me and my cousin Amanda Ningkan

My cousin Cindy Sylvia

My best friend forever Aaron Bian Balang

My family =)

Alok and my Uncle David

My aunt Alvina and My uncle Woofie

My Youngest brother Evan Colombus Donald

These people are the best people in my life which has always been there for me and brighten up my day most of the time. I love you all so much and will always be in my heart till death. From the top to the bottom pictures are the pictures of my friends, Family and everyone who has been part in my life =) I thank you guys and girls for everything you've had shared with me for all these time. For some reason I might have been a jerk in my life. I might have fought with you all for something stupid but just so you know, I totally love you all 100%. Muahxx!!!

"I would be the heater to make you feel warm,
When you're feeling cold.
I would be the shoulder for you to cry,
I would be the pillow on your bed,
When you're asleep.
I would be the alarm clock in the morning,
When you're awake.
Most important is...
I would be the boy,
When you needed a hug to feel better."

Was feeling so bored so I wrote a short poems to fill up my empty spaces. Anyway, I was thinking of something. About a dream. I would always say...

"Some dreams are not made to be granted"

Base on my experience in my life. It's a true and a logic words which I describe above. There's some dreams become reality and some are just continue to become a dream. Which most probably my dreams was majority to be continuously dreams and not reality. It's funny for me though because comparing to those who keep on saying "My dreams really come true at last" And my dream was just a nightmare. But rumors said that, dream of something dangerous for example you get drown and died is actually a good sign of your own life in reality. From what I know that if someone do have a dream like got killed or doing suicide is actually you're going to have a long life. What I mean by long life is that you wouldn't die in the early stage of age. I have no idea if it's a true rumors but hey, that's why people called it rumors right?

Okay, enough with the dreams conversation. Does anyone knows what is the different between "Teenage Love" and "Real Love"? Well, I could only have the answer for "Teenage Love" though. As for "Real Love" I am still in the process of searching the real meaning of it. He he. So here is the explanation for "Teenage Love".

"What is Teenage Love?"

It's staying up late for each other and barely staying awake in class the next day. It's passing each other between classes and stopping to say "Hi", but ending up running to your next class right before the bell rings. It's going to the mall, wandering around hand in hand, with a silence that's comfortable. It's watching a movie in the theaters with his arms slowly creeping onto your shoulders, and you resting your head in his arms. It's walking around at night, for no reason at all; his chest, her head, looking at the stars. It's uncertainty of how long it will last, a risk you're both willing to take, even if it means you'll have a broken heart. It's not yet true love, not like, nor lust, nor infatuation.It's teenage love, here to stay, here to play with our hearts and never to go away.

So there you go for the explanation on "What is teenage love?" After reading this article, I found out that this "Teenage love" really happens to all teenagers especially the part where it says "hand in hand" while wandering in the mall, "resting your head in his arms" while watching a movie and "here to play with our hearts" while we're in love. So I've experience this "Teenage love" view years back and it is totally different than having a real love. Just like what the article said "It's not yet a true love, not like, nor lust and nor infatuation". Agreed anyone?

Happy 19th Birthday to my friend Amalina =)

Amalina the birthday girl :)

"Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to Amalina! =)
Happy birthday to you =)"



Happy 19th birthday girl. Though your age are increasing but hey, there's more opportunity coming up front from the future and best of lucks in everything. By the way, nice talking to you and hope you like the cake in this internet =) hehe... Happy 19th birthday once again. Sorry that I get your picture without your permission.. It was a last minutes idea of mine from my small and cute brain. Lol! have fun yeah =D

A poem and a lyric

Picture of me doing those poems and lyrics. Ha ha!

So I've started to write a few short poem and song and might be very meaningful or might not. So not really sure but anyway, just enjoy it alright. I dedicate the poem and song that I've wrote to everyone who read my blog. So enjoy it and thank you so much =)

"New Story Began"

I've watched the same drama unfold so many times
Today kinda... Feels like I'm watching it again.
The instant you started smiling
Was when the new story began.
But I know the days will still
Be full of uncertainty and apprehension.
So open up your eyes,
And replace your loneliness with something more.
Find your lost bravery, and hold it up high!
I've finally remembered all the tears you've had to endure.
So we'll join hands, and a new story will unfold.

So basically that is what i have in my mind for my poems and the next thing is my song. The title of this song is "Gallop". I give the title of this song is because it is as speed as a horse and we keep on running till we reach to those things we desire for a long time =) So here you all go and enjoy it =)

"Gallop"

The beats pound on my ears
And their message sends shivers through my heart.
The dancing lights cast twisted shadows
To the frenzied rhythm of the liquid colors.

It's gotten so late...
If you let it all go,
If you've cried all your tears,
You've no reason to keep staring at the ground.

Lift your head back up, watch the sun rise,
And start chasing your dream!
Don't you feel my voice echoing beside you?
If you do hear me,If my voice carries,
Answer with your feet.
Even if you trip and get spun around,
Keep running down that endless road!

So that's the song that I could think of. I was thinking about an animal and then suddenly horse pops out my mind and horse gallop very fasts. So I decided to but the title of this song Gallop instead of other song =) hehe =)

Currently listening to this two artist music

Demi Lovato



The Jonas Brothers (Nick, Joe and Kevin)


So I am listening to The Jonas brothers songs and Demi Lovato songs. I totally love Demi's song. Her song are meaningful and I am loving it currently. The song that I mean is "Who will I be" and "This is me".

Below is the lyrics of "This is me" I'll share it and give the meaning of the song base from my understanding. Enjoy the lyrics.

"This Is Me (Gotta find you)"

I've always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I've got to say
But I had this dream
Right inside of me
I'm going to let it show
It's time
To let you know
To let you know

This is the real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Gonna let the light
Shine on me
Now I found
Who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark
To dream about a life where you're the shining star
Even though it seems
Like it's to far away
I have to believe in myself
It's the only way

This is the real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Gonna let the light
Shine on me
Now I found
Who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you
This is the real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now
Gonna let the light
Shine on me
Now I found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be

This is me
You're the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
This is me
You're the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I'm singing

Now I found who I am
There's no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I want to be
This is me

What I understand for the first verse is that she is a shy girl who at first doesn't have the confidence on showing her real personality and afraid to show it. Second verse is telling that after realizing that she is good in something for example singing, she started to show her real personality to everyone and have the confidence on who is her. third verse is about afraid of being in the dark and while in the dark, thinking of something positive is the good way for a bright light to appear even if it's still dark. So believing ourselves is a very important things in life. The reason for my words is because "Believe ourself before believing others". It's more or less the same as "Love yourself then by that way, you could love others as well". I learn this words from my friends, family and those who I love so much.

The next song that I totally love is The Jonas Brothers. Gosh, I totally love their song. One of their best song I love to listen is "When you look me in the eyes" Here's the lyrics and I'll tell you about the lyrics of this song. The song has a bit of connection in my love life. So here's the lyrics.

"When you look me in the eyes"


If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true.


When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
When you look me in the eyes,
I catch a glimpse of heaven.
I find my paradise,
When you look me in the eyes.


How long will I be waiting,
To be with you again?
Gonna tell you that I love you,
In the best way that I can.
I can't take a day without you here,
You're the light that makes my darkness disappear.


More and more, I start to realize,
I can reach my tomorrow,
I can hold my head up high,
And it's all because you're by my side.


When you look me in the eyes,
And tell me that you love me.
Everything's alright,
When you're right here by my side.
And when I hold you in my arms,
I know that it's forever
I just gotta let you know,
I never wanna let you go, cause


When you look me in the eyes is the title of this song and for once, I was day dreaming and suddenly think of a girl who I love so much and said "will she look into my eyes and said I love you?" So that thoughts of mine keep on haunting me till one day, as I said to myself "maybe she will say that to me while looking me in the eyes.. or not" So basically it depends on her if she want to say that or not but I'm hoping that she'll "I love you" while looking me in the eyes because I know that I love so much that she could be my antidote for every of my sickness. That's it for now. =)

I was thinking of changing my phone theme and I did today. Without buying it. I create my own themes and today I learn something new in a new website and that is creating my own custom made themes. So far I did 3 themes and It's totally awesome from my eyes can see! My own pic and other people's picture and no one could guess who is the other people's picture I'm talking about except for my cousin Willy The Strange. Hehe!

Just receive a comments from someone I love so much and guess what... She brighten up my day today and I am really glad that she did it =) She told me that I was a fun person to be with even it was temporarily and not like the other boys she ever date. Haha! Screw you guys! hehe! Goodnight my love one! and thanks for everything. I'm going to sleep with a huge smile on my face with the best dream I would ever had and I'll cherish that dream till death! Yeay! I love you G!

Things gets pretty wild these days. There are a few reason why.

1. Final examination is killing my head but hey, at least I tried my best on doing it. It's in advance add math and maths. Anyone could get a headache because of it.

2. Someone I totally love and keep on missing that person a lot. Like really A LOT!

3. College mates having argument with each other and I tried to help but in the end, I got back stabbed.

4. Hating those people who doesn't appreciate my help and people who doesn't say thanks to me when I wish them happy birthday or other stuff.

5. After all my help with my sweats pouring down, they tend to forget me and don't even bother to call and bring me out. Especially those who are in trouble in their relationship. Asking my help and after everything went well back, they tend to forget me. Pissed me of!

6. A few assignments and one presentation haven't finish or started yet. Trying to do my assignment but end up having no idea on how the hell am I going to do my assignments and presentation.

7. Trying to figure out the assignments project and presentation background pictures.

And that's the 7 main reason for the wild days of mine. What the hell should I do? Continue doing it even though I don't have any idea on how am I going to do it? I DON'T THINK SO! I'm just going to do what I always do. Updating my blog, check my friendster and facebook, check my emails in yahoo.com, hotmail.com and also aaronabel.com. That is what I have in mind and I'm just going to do that crazy and silly stuff tho It's not important. Haha!

Sweet dream to my Panda bear and also to my MEAN GIRL! SHE'S MEAN AND SO AS ME! AND THAT'S THE COOLEST PART. BEING MEAN ARE THE BEST RIGHT MEAN GIRL?! lol! XD

Always there for you

Is there a song for me to memorize? Is there any history that I need to remember once more? Is there any words need to be spill out? For once, I knew something would go wrong in between but I just keep my mouth shut because I don't have any tricks left on my sleeve. All I'm depending right now is faith. Faith that could be at the presence of my side. So what is the question will you asked if you were to be there for me? Was there any pictures to be shown by the shore? Was there any voice to be heard by the lake or was there any sign of danger by the top of the edge? Grab a rope and I'll pull you to the top. Grab a gun and I'll join you to the war. Grab a spear and I'll combine a multiple fight against the enemy with you. And forever I will always be on your side. Just the two of us, walking along the seashore till sunset and when the time of moon appears in sight, we'll enjoy and cherish the morning till dawn moment we spent together for the whole day.

"Once Again"

Every time I think that I'm close to your heart.
But I need to try to get to the place where you are now.
I need to find you no matter what will happen.
Those consequences in front of me,
I'll get over it with or without any trouble.
I know that you'd be the missing pieces in my life,
And I know that I've been lost since yesterday.
Where you are is exactly where I wanna be right now.

Those three words are the exact words I wanted to say.
I'll shout out to the crowd
And I'll show to you how pure is my heart.
Sunrise to sunset,
I'll spent my time thinking of you.
You'd figure it out the reason of my thoughts.

Wake up call wouldn't be heard,
If you were there for my clock.
Goodnight sleep won't be sweet,
If you wouldn't kiss me for the last night.
As you fall to the ground,
I'd be there to catch you before touching the surface.
My world would be spinning,
With your love surrounding my presence.

As the night falls today,
I can't wait for tomorrow morning to come.
A moment after that,
I would have fall in love with you once more.
And there will be no regrets,
For me to fall on you.
Because I know that you'd love me.
Like how we use to love each other.

Love me forever...
And today would be the best day for you to remembered.

"Baby I love you"

We won't manage to change anything
By just dialing the wrong number, right?
All we ever do out here is dream
But we're not so useless that we can't do more.

And the things you've yet so see,
The things you've left behind,
If I can just take them all back,
Will it make a difference?
Will I make a difference?

Tell me, with your shy words,
About the things that made you cry,
I'll wash away the darkness in your heart.
I wanna get rid of myself some day,
I just wanna hold you in my arms.
The desire floods my veins!
Baby baby I love you

Even if your dreams take you to the most remote desert,
You won't be able to see through their deception.
We've cried all our tears out here,
But we're not so weak that we blame ourselves.

The things you've always heard...
A song from long ago...
If I sang from now till morning,
Would you let it go?
Could you let it go?

I'll sing it for you now,
To save your cold, numb heart.
And wipe clean the black, trembling night.
We'll never be able to trust again
If our evening is tainted,
The desire's breaking through my veins!
Baby baby I love you

Boys and girls!
Let your youth roar!

Make them think of no one but you!

Tell me, with your shy words,
About the things that made you cry.
I'll dye your black heart white.
Even though you'll be gone someday,
I'll never forget you as long as I love.
The desire left my veins in ruins!
baby I love you
baby I love you

Left in ruins, i cry,
I dance... I love.

With pure heart, I'm totally sorry

My promise was to be there for you and for once i have not kept that promise. I'm so sorry and I'll try to make it up to you in anyways. I was playing games and I didn't think that you would chat with me this evening. After playing games then I realise that you've chat with me while i was playing my games. Gosh, I just don't know how to say sorry anymore. =( How I wish I could go back to the past and even go to the future. I would have knew what will happen and I could even turn things up side down for example... Won't repeat the same mistake when I've turn back time..... I'm so sorry my dearest Gloria Choo... Really truly sorry. Hope you'll forgive me without having any sadness =(

Happy and yet sad in the same dream =S

For a second I thought it was to be real. For a moment I thought it was to be truth. But I end up waking up watching myself still on the bed. I was so happy yet so afraid to let it happen in the real world. It was about my dream I had last night and I couldn't think of the reason of that dream. Two person far away from me and happens to be in my dream all the sudden. That two person is the person I totally love so much. First person was my twin brother. So far in my eyes yet so near in my heart. The second person was a girl. A girl that i totally love so much too. And again... So far as eyes can see but so near as one heart can be. The girl I'm refering to was Gloria Choo. Yes I did have a relationship with her but why in the sudden she appear in my dreams to make me feel so sad while John is having the best life he ever had with me? My dreams aren't that clear but I could see it throughly. I was happy when John was around with me and we did a lot of stuff including sneek into someone's house. And that "someone's house" happen to be Gloria's house. There was nothing happen at first till I discover a piece of paper and a short note written down saying "I wouldn't miss the world with him but I'll miss the moon with you..." something like that and at the end of the letter it says "To: *some other guy's name and i can't really see it clearly* P/s: I love you" I was like so freaking sad in my life. Before my twin and I went out of the house, I managed to grab Gloria's purse and bring it back home. But when I look into her purse, I found my picture in every place. I keep on asking myself... "Does she still love me like how I love her before till now?" Those words keep on repeating in my head and I can't think of any solution to answer that question of mine. As I woke up in the morning, I knew that one thing for sure. That is... My love towards her are as strong as GOD's words.

"As 1000 Nights Pass"

"I want you to love me,
but i don't think you will."
I wander around as i repeat this to myself.
It's the only answer i have,
even if I'm scared of getting hurt.
I'll say "I love you" to the one I love.

Do you love me or not?
I don't care what's the answer is, I just need to know!
No matter how badly I desire to be with you.
There are many unchangeable things in this world,
and my love for you
can't be stopped by anyone.

Chorus
As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you...
I have to let you know.
"I want you to love me
but I don't think you will."
I wander around as i repeat this to myself.
It's the only answer i have,
even if I'm scared of getting hurt.
I'll say "I love you" to the one I love.
Putting these feelings into words is so scary, but
I'll say "I love you" to the one I love.

The happiness we chance upon in our lives can't be expressed in words.
That's why we can only smile.
Why we sing "Do Re Mi" among the vivid autumn colors.
With winter at our backs, and the spring sunbeams peeking through the leaves
As to protect someone who's just been reborn.

As i looked at the road I'd traveled and the path ahead,
My eyes was filled with cowardice.
I wanted to look into your eyes,
But was afraid i wouldn't be honest.
I didn't want to know that you didn't love me
And live the rest of my days all alone
That day, I kept on loving you without getting hurt.

Chorus
As 1000 nights pass, I long to tell you...
I have to let you know.
"I want you to love me
but I don't think you will."
I wander around as i repeat this to myself.
It's the only answer i have,
even if I'm scared of getting hurt.
I'll say "I love you" to the one I love.
Even if my feelings aren't returned,
I can say "I love you" to the one I love...
And that's the most beautiful thing in the world.

A new start for me =)

Okay, i know its been awhile... Okay... It's not really awhile.... I mean major long enough for not updating my blog. so today I'm going to update my blog since there is still a viewer to view my blog. So let me show a few of my pictures since the last time i update my blog till now alright? Not that special but It's a crazy life I'm going through. It may be fun and it may not but what the hell, It's how life goes right? Anyway, let's talk about the food. It's yummy and you'll never get tired of eating except when you're on a diet. So i've been to a lot of food stall and when i was in Kuala Lumpur, i found a shop which is totally weird than the other shop and even the name of the stall is even weirder.

Restaurant 1 to eat

So these is the restaurant that i was talking about. It's so weird to give such a name right? I mean, there's a lot of name and of all the stall names, "Restaurant 1 to eat" was the name. So weird.... Are they out of names or ideas? lol!

The other thing i want to talk about was a guy travel all over the world by just using his very own motorcycle. He travelled across the seven seas, in between the enemy line, and collected a lot of stuff from every each country which he managed to stop.

So these is his bike and that is the owner of the bike. How amazing that he travel by just using his bike and all he needed from everyone was support and PETROL! ha ha! Well, to travel we need petrol right. So he has no petrol. Big deal but do respect him for his adventurous life. I just wish i could be like him. Travel anyway, everywhere in anytime.

Let's talk about ARTS. Who doesn't like arts? I know i do. When i was In Kuala Lumpur, i spent a few night in Grand Millenium Hotel. It was a beautiful and huge hotel and It was a great hotel. Thus, It's damn near to all the shopping mall. Well not really, but shopping mall was like around that freaking hotel. Continue on the arts stuff, i went walking around in and out of the hotel. Nearby the swimming pool i found a wall fill with arts and It was beautiful. So I took a few pictures of the arts and here are one of it....


So i took this picture and i found it attractive. This is one part of the wall and on the left and right side of this picture is the continuous pictures or should i say arts. It's totally different and that is what I called arts.

Don't tell me that you or anyone never heard of PLANET HOLLYWOOD. It's like all around the world and I happen to be in Planet Hollywood Kuala Lumpur. There was a sign board which it was so damn funny and i found it interesting in the same time. Well, I know that I'm just a kid but please, i do know the real meaning of the sign board below. I'm not a child which is so idiot to understand the true meaning behind those words.



Haha. This is what I'm talking about. Anyone can understand the true meaning behing those words right. If anyone don't understand, then you're an idiot. I thought that I'm stupid but there is still someone in this world stupid than me. lol!

The only drink which suprise me a lot! Milo Dinosaur. In Sarawak, we all would order Milo ice right? So i went to Mid Valley, Kuala Lumpur and my cousin and i went to a shop sales drinks only. I guess, lol! I read through the menu and this "MILO DINOSAUR" caught my sight. I was wondering how does it looks like so I order Milo Dinosaur. When the waiter gave me my 'Milo Dinosaur', I started to laugh because I wasn't expecting some drink to be any weirder. lol. These is the picture of the Milo Dinosaur that I took.

It really does look like 'a dinosaur'. I mean look at the content of the milo. It's so damn much. That's i what i called 'Pure Milo'! haha! By the time i start to drink this 'Milo Dinosaur', the thick milo stuck in my tooth. lol!

Gothic shop! Suprisingly, I found the Gothic Store shop lot and It's only for those gothic member (which I'm not) but DAMN It's a cool Gothic store. I mean, outside of the shop, they display all the Gothic cloth and chain. It was my first time watching those complete Gothic wear. Here are one of the pictures i managed to take....


These is what i really call "Gothic cloth". Haha and Hell Yeah It's an awesome store. I wanted to went in to check it out but i just can't go in without being a member. So i just have to watch the cloth from inside out. I mean from the outside to see the inside. Hehe.

Cheers to beers! I've gone tipsy with this "Beer Tower" in Planet Hollywood. Then again, it was my first time drinking a beer tower. It took me ages to finish this freaking huge beer tower that my uncle and I ordered but it was worth to drink for. lol. I've gone tipsy after finishing the "Beer Tower". I guess you all don't understand what am I talking about this "Beer Tower" right? lol. Here is the picture...


Damn huge right?! haha. I miss this drink. lol! But hey... Sooner or later i could drink this huge tower in the future and I'll be waiting for you BEER TOWER! haha....

Last but not least, the best memories I ever had was the Kuala Lumpur AIRPORT!!!! My last time i went to KLIA when i was primary 6. That time, i was just 11 years old. Not yet 12... hehe. Then after for 7 years, i finally came back to KLIA. Everything change and i couldn't remember a thing except one place. This place fills a lot of memories with my twin brother. So here is this 'Sweet memories of mine' for all this years....


Look at that playground plane/aircraft, that was one of my best memories with my twin brother. We use to be in that playground plane to be a pilot (AS IF) lol! but hey.... It was fun being a kid and i miss it a lot. I went around that plane and it reminds me those crazy life of mine.

So there you go, that's it for today and will update my blog once again sooner or later alright? Once again, I'm sorry to my viewer for not updated my blog and enjoy this new brand story =) Chaw! I <3 SOMEONE!

A picture that i make for my hun as i misses her so much here in kuching while she is in miri. And i know that she is missing me so much as well. Hopefully i could go back and meet you soon alrite hun. you take care. love ya!

sorry my dear readers for not updating my blog. Anyway, this is my 1st time blogging after a few months not updating my blog. anyway, here is a story which may make u like it. or not. lol! Above is the picture of me with my long hair and my short hair. The long hair was my previous hair and the short is my currently hair which i totally miss my long hair. But lots of people rather like to see me with short hair. and i don't know why. LoL! Anyway, thanks though for anyone who said it looks better and thanks also for giving a compliment on my long hair as well. Those who likes my long hair better than my short hair, thanks too. but sorry to let you all down. i'll do it again in the future. so just wait and see. i wanna keep it more longer than before and i don't care how much it cost to do it. as long as i keep it longer than before. haha. Next story.... This week and next week is my exam week. so i have to study so hard to get a very good result. so far, one of my mid-term exam is done. but i made a slide mistake in 1 question. hopefully i'll get good marks though. Haiz. Next update will be out soon. so keep on reading and i'll post a new one asap aite. thansk!

Mount Gading trip (3 Days, 2 Night)

Mount gading camping trip at Lundu was the boom! I have lots of fun and sleepless everyday! Ha ha. We went jungle tracking, watch sunrise at Pantai Pandan early in the morning on Sunday morning (18/05/2008). We had our barbeque on the first night we got there. We cook like a lot of food. Pork, Chicken and Sausage. We bought 6 packs of sausage but then we couldn't finish it till we plan the sausage for steamboat. We had our steamboat on Sunday night. At night, we played Mahjong. That is something new i learn on that weekend camping trip. We didn't really set up camp but we stayed in a chalet. It was a blast weekend i ever had. I was with my chinese friends. 7 of us went for the camping and i'm the only non-Chinese in the group, the smallest and the youngest. When we were in Lundu, we went to Lundu town to buy foods and other stuff. At the same time, there was a girl was totally curious and blurry to see me hanging out with all the Chinese people. So that girl start to ask me few question like "Are you Chinese?" and "How come you can talk in Chinese?" My answer was easy. "I'm not Chinese and i know Chinese because i learn from friends la" Ha ha! Anyway, girls in Lundu always see me and felt so blurry watching me with all Chinese people. Oh ya, before i forgot, we even had the chances to laid down on an empty road. The ghost road. Ha ha! Anyway, i've upload few pictures in this blog. So have fun reading and watching the pictures =D Loves!

FUCK OFF DINA AND ASLIZAM! NIIT, Kuching Student! See if you can find me! I'll kill you both arrr!!!

U have totally pissed me off you kn0w! You think i'm afraid of you even though i'm not around from here???!! Bull shit la! You want to see my 5 fingers and my 1 palm on your face is it???!! I can do that anytime. But this is your place. Try if you're back in Miri, sure die la you. You'll having the worst life in your nightmare! You want to be beaten till death is it???!! I'm not afraid of you even though you're bigger than me. Change my name once again, i'll kill you! Fuck you Aslizam and Dina! You both have been changing my name till all sort kind of fucking names! I hate it you know that. You don't respect me and i shall not respect you at all. If you read this then you're lucky la. That means you're eager to start fighting with me. Well, come on la! I'm waiting for you. Let see who die 1st! Fuck off you both la! GET A LIFE!!!!! CIBAI!

It was 4 in the morning and i hardly could continue my sleep. Don't even know why though. Around 6am i totally awake. So i just listen to my iPod after all. Anyway, i don't know what i was thinking that morning. It feels that something in my mind is distracting my life recently. What kind of feeling is that. I totally know that it's not love. I totally know it's not sadness or sorrow. What was it? The night before in the morning, i went to sleep quite late though. I was having my futsal till 12am. So i nearly went back home around 1am. Text with a friend of mine till 2am. Then i fell asleep. But the funny thing is that, i dream about someone who i just met less than a week. I dream that her parents knew my parents and we met once again in my hometown, Miri. I was so suprise that our parents are that close and i never knew about it. The girl and i get along well till something that i wasn't expected to be happen. We both are in a relationship together. But it's just a dream. How if it's real? It would be awesome. But i don't think that will happen in life though. I know that girl's heart. But if it does happen, well then... Lucky me and happy the both of us =D Loves!

I just love it!

What a pretty melody. A friend, a girl who played her piano at night just to fill her time send me a bubble talk. Instead of talking, she gave me her piano melody. I was wondering who and why is this girl sending me a bubble talk? Then again i remember the number. It was from Baby Bear. Upon listening her piano melody, i actually fall in love with the melody sound. I'm so dying to learn piano but i just couldn't have the chance to learn. Every time when there is anyone who played the piano, i was very touch with it. Despite i felt so jealous of them who are talented in that beautiful instrument. I was hoping that one day i could learn piano. Just to feel how touching the melody by my own talent. Unfortunately i just don't have the talent like other people does. Thank you Baby bear for sharing me the melody and the songs that you've send to me. I totally love it! I was so surprise that you could play well. Maybe there is a bit of slack but it's fine to me because it's such a beautiful instrument among other instrument. Thanks once again Baby Bear =D

Problems? Sharing it with me? Instead of sharing, you're scolding me?!

I just don't get it. If anyone says "You don't mind if i share my problems with you?" I would say it's not a problem. Just share it. But instead of sharing, They end up their talk by blaming and scolding me and the fact that i was just their 'ear' to listen and their 'mouth' to calm them down. At the end, i was assume that i did something wrong towards that person. What did i do??!! All i do was listen and comfort. What did i get?! I GOT SCOLDED WITH NO REASON! This fucking peace me off! Totally, but i just keep quiet because i don't want that person to think that i was mad at them for scolding me. Well, no i don't really care tho. All i do is comfort them and if i got scolded then what to do. Just cool down myself and keep on comforting that person then. Bleahs! This sucks so bad! Ha ha! ( In the end of this blog, i don't know why am i happy after get scolding or anything. Lol!) Out!

The Best Damn and Stupidest Thing with friends in my whole life!

My Sunday was my stupidest day ever! It wasn't a bad day but it was fun! Guess what, Sunday is the day i normal go church in the morning. Church service start at 6.30am. Normally i would have woken up at 5.15am or 5.30am but that Sunday (04/05/2008) i woke up slightly late. I woke up at 6.45am. After waking up. I don't know what to do. Thinking of going to church or continue sleeping? Not sure. Then i make up my mind. I go to church! The first stupid thing i did was not showering before going to church! Ha ha! It was late and i don't wanna miss church. So i just follow the western people. Wake up, wear cloth and go out just like that. I did like the western people did. Not showering. Ha ha! On my way to church, i was laughing because of my stupidity. Ha ha! Anyway, i went back home and hoping that know one knew about my 'unshower' morning. Unfortunately, my uncle knew about it. I was like "Busted!" Ha ha. He just keep on laughing! Lol! In the afternoon, i went to the shopping mall (The Spring). Hang out there with my cousin and my cousin's friends. I only know 2 person. That is my cousin and a girl name Marlin. Knew her when St. Mary had a fun fair. I made new friends that afternoon. Geralyn Cheramee Munji (Yen), Beatrice 1990 and Yen's cousin (not sure what is his name thought). We went to Parkson's fitting room just to take pictures. I was like laughing like hell because the 6 of us share the same fitting room just to take pictures and not trying or buying any cloths. Ha ha! I guess we almost spend nearly half an hour in the fitting room. OMG! The fitting room was huge! Ha ha. It was fun. After that, we went to F.O.S (Factory Outlet Store) not sure if it's the correct name. Ha ha! Anyway, it's a cloths selling store and we did something very very stupid in my whole life. I can't tell anyone about what happen in F.O.S it's 'SECRET!' Ha ha! Only those who are involve knows about it and it will be the best damn and stupidity memory for us to remember in our life! Ha ha! Love you all girls! It was fun and pleasure to meet you all. I had so much fun that Sunday. I just wanna thank Wilfred Isaac Kang. My cousin. A.K.A ~ Willy The Strange! Ha ha! New blog update coming up soon. Have fun reading! Hee! Loves!

Me miss you so much!

I'm glad that my Nastassia was around in kuching even it was only for a few days. I even got the chance to bring her along with me for a picnic last thursday. But unfortunately she have to go back to shanghai again on the same day we went for our picnic. Night flight. =/ I so miss her so much. I so miss my 'girlfriend' and i know she also do miss her 'boyfriend'. (Tassia, if you are reading this, mami and you know about it =D) Anyway, it was a short time to be together with Nastassia and my 'mother-in-law' but it was a fun and great to have them around =D. I wish that i could meet Nassi and her family once again and i wish i could spent more time with Nassi and her family. Anyway, Nassi girlfriend, me miss you already. Kinda feel a bit lonely without you around. I had so much fun when mami and you were around and i hope you did had lots of fun during we had our picnic and you finally had friends in kuching that i introduce to you =) hee. Anyway, i guess next year than we meet again huh Nassi. Hopefully can meet you this christmas. If possible, i want you to be there on my birthday for this year. It would be sweet if you come back to Malaysia on my birthday. Anyway, i'll post a couple of our picture in the next blog alright. Cya! Miss and love Nassi =D Nassi Goreng~ nasis Midin =b

What is it trying to tell me? I'm just too blurry to think of it.

My feelings for you are totally different than what i had felt before. Does this feelings counts it as love? I don't know either. How i wish i could just know how does the feelings of love feels like. By then, i won't be worrying of waiting for you for another thousand years. I just have to go to you and tell the truth. If I'm brave enough, I'll kiss you when i meet you. I'll kiss you not on your cheeks but on your mouth. So that you could feel what does my feelings towards your love. So that you could understand that i totally love you since before. But right now i just can't give you that kiss of mine because you're not alone. You are in a relationship that giving me a blurry sight. I've should have told you that i love you before. If i knew that you did love me in the beginning, i would love you ever since you love me. You knew a lot about me. You like my characteristic and you yourself told me that you like to see me while I'm talking with my friends. With the spontaneous move i talk with my friends. You secretly look at me when i wasn't looking at you. You secretly fall in love with me when you were in your own relationship. You were always thinking that i had forgotten you. But that is the part where you were totally wrong. I say this is because I've been watching our Video more than a million times in my life even though it's the same video. But i just miss you so much by watching that video and i couldn't delete that video from my handy drive. I just love to see it repeatedly. It feels like you were always there for me and so does our friends who were always there for us. I could say this is a LOVE Feelings. Is it? I don't know -_-"

Not sure. Perhaps I’m still waiting for it.

This few days it was you the only one who text with me. You were always there for me when I’m lonely or when I got nothing much to do. Even when you are busy with your dance practice, you still text me even I have to wait quite awhile. Before I write more, I just wanting to say I’m sorry for my behavior before. Sorry that I force you on doing such nonsense things on your birthday. I’m glad that you didn’t do it. I was so idiot to ask you to do that such things. Anyway, since you said that once you’re out of his life and you’ll come and look for me. It’s not a problem for me though but don’t you think that, before this you were fooling around with his heart? I think he would be totally pissed off because of what you did to him. Well, I don’t blame you but you just have to do some things first. As for me, it’s not a problem at all. I do have feelings on you before as well but I’m not sure about someone who ever been with you. Will he accept the fact that I’m with you? Hopefully the answer would be yes though. *Sigh*. Wait another few more second, minutes, days, weeks, months or years. It would take me ages till we’re together.

“Sleeping in the night with your hands around me,
‘I LOVE YOU’ for saying goodnight melts my precious hearts.
Your wet lips kissing for sweet dream,
Sleep tight throughout the night with me my dearest.”

“I may not be perfect but I’ll always be there because I know you’re worth it. You’re the answer to all of my prayers”

The phrase above is taken from a song. A song created by SecondHand Serenade. The phrase took me a few thinking. Thinking what does it really means. Sometimes I could get a few of the answer and sometimes I don’t. It’s a bit hard to understand though. But one thing for sure that it is sort of related to the feelings of love. It’s like the phrase said, I may not be perfect but I’ll always be there for ‘that’ person who I love. That special girl is always worth for me in my life and she could be the answer to all my prayers and life. You’re my soul mate forever.

Only when you need me

I just don’t get it when I’m far apart you ignore me. When I’m near with you, you don’t even seem to bother to talk or even say hi. What more to say in text messages. Don’t have to talk about upcoming calls from you. You never will be answering my calls or even call me back. Only when you need my help then u asked for my help especially in your relationship or when you are in bad situation. Don’t you realize that I’ll always be the first person to be there on your side no matter where I am. I may not be able to be showing up myself in front of you but I’ll always there for you especially when you are in bad situation. But the poor part is you’re never there for me when I’m badly needed you. I was hoping you will be there for me especially when I’m sad, crying or even in my bad situation. But you just couldn’t be there for me even to text a message to help or cheer me up. I feel so disappointed after I’ve been there for you ever since I’ve known you. *Sigh*. You never know what I’m going through in my life. It’s always been my worst life ever especially when I’m in my dream of sadness, in my life of darkness and my fantasy without a sunshine in the morning. It is always dark like being in a darkness room without any characteristic in it or even any shadows to be seen.

You wore it =D

I totally forgot about the guitar pick until u told me. Aww, I still remember the black color is especially for you and you hang it on your own necklace. Ring of “LOVE”. Two words. “LO” and “VE”. It’s a pair of ring, I’m glad that I gave you “LO” and mine is “VE”. I was thinking of who should I give it to till I decided to give it to you since we’ve been so close till mummy knows that we went out every time I come back home. You surprise me by using that guitar pick after for years. It’s been so long already. That guitar pick was for my friendship to your life forever no matter what and where we will be.

Sickness without knowing

I went to the clinic for my medical check up. I was in the clinic since in the morning till 11am then when back for lunch. At 3pm, i went to the clinic once more for my medical check up because one of the doctor in Columbia Asia told me to come and meet Dr. Vargeshe or whatever his name is lah. So when i went in the room, i told the doctor that sometimes i kinda feel hurt on my previous appendix. Sometimes it suddenly pain without any reason. So he check it and told me that something is not really right. "The scar is huge and long. Where did you did your operation?" told the Doctor. So i told everything about my appendix. He asked me to go for a Ultrasound scanning. After ultrasound scan, i went back to the doctor once more. Found out that i must eat vegetable every meal. Well most of my meal i ate veges tho but the doctor said i must eat lots of green veges. Which is i seldom eat green veges but other veges. The doctor also told me to take bread and milk for breakfast instead of noodles. That's not it. From now on, i need to take fruits every night after dinner which is i seldom eat fruit because i'm lazy too. The result if i don't followed the doctor's order is.... DO ANOTHER OPERATION AGAIN TILL IT IS OKAY! I was like "WHAT THE HELL??!! WHAT THE FUCK??!! ARE YOU SERIOUS? DO I HAVE TO GET ANOTHER OPERATION AT THE SAME PLACE IF I GOT WORSE AGAIN???!!! OMGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!" I got a little bit panic and i kinda reduce all my drinking habit which is i'm gonna miss drinking for quite a long time. DAMN YOU FRIGGIN' APPENDIX! I HATE YOU!!! I HATE YOU!!!

You're done in my world?

""Job: Will you talk to me once more?
--
xXGirlXx: Erm, actually big bro, i sent that message wrongly. It was for my cousin joey. Sorry bout that.
--
Job: Yea i know bout that. But i wasn't saying that you purposely sent that message to me. All i wanna know is will you talk to me again like before? I know i did a lots of wrong and i'm sorry
--
xXGirlXx: Apology accepted but i'm afraid of you now since that day you just blast off at me like that. So, i don't think i'll be able to talk to you like before. Its scary to see someone very nice suddenly say something that slap you right in the face. You don't have to worry bout me yea, big bro. I've got another big bro over here. He's fine and i'm comfortable with him for the time being now. I'm really sorry.
--
Job: Thanks im so glad that you say that. I know i kinda did some silly things but all i wanna know is that am i still your big bro and your 1st bro who always tries to be there for u and im glad that u found another big bro that could take care of u lot better than me and i know that im the worst big bro. im so sorry for everything. Thanks for being honest by the way. I'll learn my mistake trying to be better in the future.
--
xXGirlXx: Yea you are. Now you know, big bro.
--
Job: Umm, anyway, i guess i'll not disturb you now. Have a nice sweet dream.
--
xXGirlXx: You too Jobby.
--
Job: You called me Jobby... Aww, its the first time =') love ya sonia. Just to let you know that i kinda miss ya and i got my gpa 3.13. the highest in my college.
--
xXGirlXx: Don't love me please. I call you Jobby because you're Jobby and because calling you 'BIG BRO' feels awkward. As it feels like i'm addressing my big bro here which i'm not. Sorry. and Congrats by the way.""
********************************************
After that conversation, didn't not reply xXGirlXx. I kinda got hurt so badly in my heart. Really badly. As if i was been stab in the heart and die in this world. After reading the part about she having another big bro, i kinda get all sad. I was been replace. Maybe it's the best for her and the worst for me. I don't know. but i hope she is happy with her NEW big bro. The second part that make my tears fall to the ground was She said i was just JOBBY. She's not addressing me as her big brother anymore for good. I was so break down after reading her text to me. It gave me a big slap on the face for the worst night ever. I was suppose to be happy for my GPA pointer in college as i have the highest pointer in college but things gone worst when night appear. The time when i got the message from xXGirlXx that i've been replace by another person as the position of 'BIG BRO'. All i could do last night in my bed room was crying silently without anyone noticing i was crying, heart broken and the worst is losing someone that i care and love so much out of my side. I can only hope that i'll be fine in the future ever since before. But it never work at all of being fine. I feel so lost. I feel so left out. I feel so lock up by these feelings that contains in my heart. It's just like my twin brother said. "LOVE DIES". Apparently he is true. My love dies as well like my twin's love dies. I feel like giving up in life and one thing, i hope that i lost my memories for the pass few years and let me forget everything that happen. Let see if i do lose my memories, will anyone come to my bed in the hospital or at home to visit me or to take care of me. I just really wish my memory lost or better just be dead so that i won't suffer like how im suffering right now. God did this for a reason but i guess God punish me for my wrong that i'm doing right now. everything is not for a reason but it's all for punishment for my wrong. I just keep on hating my life day by days. Sun rise to Sunset. From morning to the break of dawn. I Just keep on hating it!

If've edit a few vids in youtube everyone. These vids is especially more my collegemate which we spent the night together in the mall. Midnight vids which is so crazy and unbelievable. Lol! haha. here is the link to the vids. Check it out. There is one more vids left which i haven't upload yet so. Take your time and enjoy alrite! Thanks!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qx8g9ktD-AI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_OH14nwSPo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMNLnCl7g1U
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8o3QJE83iB8

Just another day to be hanging out

It's thursday night and i'm at Starbuck with my friends which studied in the same college with me =D Anyway, they are Shah, Emma (shah gf), Paul, Ijal, and emerson. We've been at The spring since 9pm something2. Now where still here and doing nothing. Online, drinking starbuck drinks and everything! haha. Kinda fun though It's been awhile since i've not hang out with my friends. Anyway, here are some picture of us at starbuck, The Spring. Kuching. Hehe. Have fun watching =DDD

It's been awhile since i've blog eyh. Anyway, there something that messes up my mind and my life this few days and i can't stop thinking about it over and over again. Last weekend night i was totally pissed off over someone. Not my friends but my own family. One of them just kept a picture of something that is not suppose to be kept in the gallery. I mean what the fuck is that doing in the gallery??!! And what the hell is she putting it in there? Hey dude who ask her to put that fucking picture in her gallery, i'm so gonna look for you and so gonna kill you. Trust me! Once i know you, i'll gonna kill you, even if i have to die. I don't even care about my life anymore so why should i care about it! Fuck off la dude!

Those time, Those memories and Those moment i miss

It's been quite awhile since i hang out with my very own group in high school. My twin and i might be the eldest but hanging out with them makes the both of us feel young and equally the same as the others. Ever since college life began, everyone seems to go on their own path. Well, it's not wrong but i kinda miss those high school moments though. Laugh together, eat together, fake argue together and most important, being there for each and everyone whenever we are together. My friends,

"Prince sail in silver ship
Princess sail in golden ship
Sailor sail in ordinary ship
We all sail in friendship!"

Joanna, Barry, John, Shauna, Yusuf, Bawen, Gwendolyn, Syakila, Brian, Zach, and others who i do not state in my blog. You know who you are alright!
XoXo!

A belated birthday for my friend who is 21 these year.

A group of 9 people including me celebrates my friend's 21 birthday. These are the people who enjoy the celebration night. Anyway, it's kinda funny though about something. It's about me. I'm the only non-Chinese, the smallest and the youngest of all. The others is my college senior and i only know 2 of the chinese 'gang'. Which is the birthday boy, Kelvin and Alfred. Later after dinner, we went to a park where it's a bit dark place though. It's my first going to the park where they usually hang out. Here's a few pic of celebrating Kelvin's birthday.

These 3 pictures is where we light the candle and give a present to Kelvin. The best part on these birthday was the pressie. It was a funny pressie that i wouldn't think Kelvin's friend would bought. After blowing the cake, Alfred gave a pressie to him. So we asked Kelvin to open the pressie. Guess what, It's a condom! Haha. Which is so stupid. Lol! The 3rd picture is the proof of the condom and it's a good quality though. Haha! We all laugh like hell about the pressie. After blow the cake, open pressie, we went to Bako. A place where cars race from 10pm till midnight. That night was awesome. Watch car race, free dinner, free cake, new friends and everything that i didn't expect to be happen on my friday night. Anyway, thanks Kelvin for inviting me and i'm looking forward to go Matang for BBQ! Haha!