I should have shoot myself when i had the chance

It's crushing my bone in my head! This month was the worst month ever. All i got myself into was a nightmare. Super challenging month. Ouch! Exams, relationship problems and a lot more that i myself couldn't list out. Hope that next month would be much better. These month i've been so EMO! I'm trying to be an hyper boy to everyone but every each day, my life gets damn. From the morning breeze till the break of dawn. New month for tomorrow and i hope that new month gonna spice up my life. If not, i'm sure gonna be crazy of being so emo! Anyway, i kinda miss her. I wanna talk to her and even texting message to her but i'm afraid. I'm afraid that she'll ignore me. Every each day i keep worrying about her. Every moment i keep thinking of how is her life going on right now. I can never get the answer by myself except she alone communicate with me. If she gave me a message or a miss call, i would totally be freaking happy and crazy. By that text message or miss call, i could say that she still remembers me and even still know that she will always be right beside me even though she is busy. I'll just have to wait for 'that' text message or miss call. Even if it took for years. I'll wait as long as i life. God i miss her so much!

Let me be alone from now on

"What the hell?! What are you doing here?! You know Vic? You never told me. Why?! What the fuck! He has one already! So as Byran! Why do you have to choose them? Did you think about me at all? Did you ever think how i feel if i knew they were the people that back stabbing me? Did you??!! You know what, forget about it! I wanted to bring you guys for lunch since i'm going back to where i belong soon. But now i've seen the real character of you guys, i felt very very disappointed. So as you girl! I didn't expect that you would know him as well. I like you so much and you like them because of their look only! Who should i trust now? I can't trust anyone no more. Byran, you are like a brother to me! How could you?! I can't believe you'd do this to me! How could you double crossed me! Vic, you are one of a thousand friends of mine that i've trusted. Why did you do this to me? You have yours already. Why did you have to be with her as well? I can't understand why. Everything in this world, both of you would be the last person i suspected. Mag, you don't even bother if he is with you in the same time with her? How pathetic! What a slut you are! Seems don't care about it at all. You shouldn't be love by anyone! I feel so sorry for the four of you! You know i love you so much then again you make my life miserable! Still not enough of what you have done to me is it??!! I can't believe what i am seeing right now. Since you want it to be this way, i'll vanish from your life for good and forever but i'll always love you forever. It seems that four of you as my friend are double crossing me huh. I just couldn't believe it. I'll vanish from now onwards so that you nor i myself wouldn't hurt my own feelings after what i've seen. I'm OUT OF HERE!" Next thing four of them shouted " Job! We're sorry. We didn't mean to do this to you. Job! Come back! Come back!" As i walk further and further, my tears felt onto the ground. Ignoring their voices as well. They had crush my heart so badly till i have to vanish from their life completely so that i won't feel the pain and i won't feel so frustrated over it.

Then i woke up. real tears fall down on my face to the ground. It was a nightmare but the dream was telling me something. Something that gotta do with move aside from their life and not to interfere their life anymore. I guess I'd gonna do that because i don't wanna be hurt as how it shows in my dream. I'll forgive the four of you but i'll never forget what have you four done to me. If this comes to reality, it would be a scar in my mind and would be a shadow of my dreams every night i sleep for the rest of my life. That would be miserable enough after what the four of you had done to me and i hope you're happy about it!

Umm, i cant'w wait to go back for the camp. I wanna enjoy my weekend for this LSS camp. Been missing camping a lot! Ahh~~~ Well, i hope to meet everyone when i'm back. Not everyone but most of them especially the church member. I hope that i'm gonna perform as well. Thought my voice are not that good like other singer but i wanna try my best shot! It's been so long i've been practising. So hopefully i'll do good on that day. In two weeks time, i'll be singing for you My Lord Jesus. So be prepare to see your Son on Stage to Praise and Worship you!

Read the pictures Continuously and You'll Understand

I don't give a damn thing about this feelings anymore. I don't care if it really exist anymore because no one shows me the true meaning of this BullShit words! If i fall for you and you fall for me, maybe it will show me the true meaning of this fcuking words in the pictures! I'm so pissed off almost everyone but i pretend not to get piss off. I don't want anyone to know what am i feeling right now. "You okay de ma?" "Are you ok Jobby?" "Your message kinda different" Everyone seems to ask me what the hell is wrong with me. "I'm suprise you'd even care or get worried of me". That is what i answered to someone. It's almost a month you all didn't contact me and did you remember anything about me while i'm not around in front of your freaking eyes? I guess not. Suddenly you all seems to care about me. Worried about me. All the time when i'm away, i've keep missing you all. Keep on thinking about you all. You all never cared even. Don't even bother to asked how am i doing here? Do you all think that i'm so fcuking happy when i'm away from you all? NO!!! I'm so lonely without you all! I'm trying my best to go back just for the sack of you guys and girls. What did i get for a retun? Forget about me when i am totally gone even for a second. That is what i get. What the Fcuk! I am so pissed off till i can't describe how pissed off am i. Pissed of shit! Bastard! Fcuk off la! You never consider my feelings! "I love you" is so pissing me off. If i coul just cut off my heart and let it bleed till i fcuking torture myself! Ahh~~~ Fcuk off! Fcuk off! Fcuk off!

Creepiest Night in My Life!

Yesterday night was my creepiest night ever! I was on the phone with my friend. It was midnight. We both was talking about 8 minutes plus. Suddenly an anonymous voice shattered on the phone. I was talking with an Malay girl whom i don't even know. At first i thought it was my friend's cousin. So i didn't know anything much. She was saying " Sapa tok?" I was like "huh... Job.?." she was sorta blurr. She just said "huh??? Sapa tok?" She keep on repeating trying to find out who am i. I was kinda blurr so i keep on saying my name. I wanted to say " Jobby la" but i didn't because there was someone calling my phone on the other line. So i asked that anonymous malay girl to call me in 5 minutes time. Suddenly i kinda feel weird. The second caller that who are calling me was the same number as the first number. Which was my friends number. So i answered. She suddenly said "Sorry. Network problem just now." I was like "Huh? What do you mean by network problem? I was talking with your cousin on the other line few seconds ago" She immediately said "huh? What are you talking about? I'm the only one who call you. There is no other line besides these line and this is the only phone for this number." I was blurr for a moment and asked her "Then if you were the only person who called me and who is the malay girl that talk to me just now? Isn't that your cousin?" She answered "my cousin are asleep already." Then i kinda freak out that moment. I kinda talk to a stranger who i don't even realise at all! Was it something that i am not suppose to talk with or something is disturbing me? Damn! I kinda still wonder who i that and how come i could talk to that person without noticing? Freaky!

This morning on my way back from the city for breakfast, my nephew tell us (me, my cousin and my aunt) about his classmate. My nephew's name is Shane Noel. The story was like this. He was saying that his friend asked him to buy something for him. Then we asked him "Is your friend name Mathew that asked you to buy something for him? Did he gave you his money to buy the stuff?". He answered "Yes he did gave me his money but his name is not Mathew. His name is Shawn" After hearing he said the name of his friend. I suddenly think of someone that has a similar name as her. A girl name Sonia was the person that suddenly appear in my mind. Her nickname in her blog was Shawnea. Which is just add in "EA" in Shawn's name. I kinda miss her actually after for so long didnt meet her or even contact with her. I wonder is she doing fine or not. Kinda curious tho. Anyway, just wanna let Sonia know that i kinda miss Sonia ever since i've not contact her. I didn't contact with her is because i'm afraid that i'm disturbing her while she is busy. Hmm. *sigh*

Yesterday in college i learn something from my lecturer, Mdm Eva. She gave our class 2 situation about making decision in life that is connected with love and regrets of life for making the wrong decision. The situation was something like this: "A man who are in his early thirties have a great career, great car, nice house and lots of friends. Ever since last time, all he thinks that his career is more important than anything. Having a family in his life would disturb his ladder of success. After awhile, he fell doubt about his life right now. He is wondering did he make a correct decision on not having a family? Sometimes he felt lonely when he went back home after work." This was the situation that Mdm Eva gave. Well, sort of. Anyway, Mdm Eva asked us to write about that man. We pretend to be that man and tell the whole class, what did you regret the most? Well i answered that i should had a second thoughts on making my career as my first priority and if i hadn't break up with my spouse, i would have my own family right now. I should have married my spouse few years back. By now, i would have a romantic wedding anniversary and watch my children graduate and end their education life. That was my answered. From that moment, i've realise something. I shouldn't break up with my girlfriend. The girl that really likes me before but i didn't like her at all but only like her as a friend. After form 5, i started to see my ex-girlfriend more often than before and she is getting beautiful ever since i break up with her. I was so stupid to break up with her. She was perfect! She was a loyal girlfriend i've ever had but i didn't realise that. How i wish i could have her back. It would be wonderful enough to be with her as a soulmate. Unfortunately, i let her go without any tears or any sadness but i let her go with lots of regrets. I shouldn't do that to her. I should love her as how she love me. Anyway, i'm sure you all are curious who is that person right? Well her name is.... *talking in my own mind*..."should i tell or just keep it as a secret? Bleash! It's an old memory, just tell!" *making a decision to tell everyone* Well, here goes... Her name is Phoebe Woodford. Phoebe, if you are reading this blog, i'm truly sorry for what i've done before and would you forgive me? I miss judge you by the way u act before, the way you make your own life and the way you treat me before. You didn't do anything wrong. I was the one who wants to break off because i don't feel right on playing love games on you and not serious when i'm with you. I'm Sorry.

Today i kinda feel different about something in me and i don't know what is it. I guess i can't really stand watching people kissing with full of love. Not only that, i feel that 'she' don't love me like how i love her till now. I wanna feel your arms around me and hold me tight so that i could feel your love once again. You don't know that i miss everything about you. It's been almost a month i've not text you or asking how are you. It seems that you don't really care if i do ask how are you doing or anything. You don't even bother to text me back before and now. I just can't believe that i've been forgotten just because of that incident. Everyday i've keep missing you and keep thinking of you all time. My smile are just fake upon these days. It seems that i don't recognise your face anymore since the day you have let me out of your life. I may have your pictures in my head but i wonder, is that picture in my head are the same picture on your face right now? There is a words that i've heard a lot and that is "Once in a life time means there is no second chance". These words sometimes can be true. Once in a life time seeing you being happy with me and that was the only last time i saw your smile rise to the sky. As far as i know, you couldn't smile even your friends make you laugh. You only laugh just for a moment then a sad face once again appear. If i could only come into your life, i would probably make you smile every single day, every single moment when i'm around with you. That is my promise and i won't break my promise and i'll prove to you how much "YOU" mean to me.

When will i have it?

It's hard to feel left out when in terms of being lonely. I just wanna feel how other couples feel. How it feels to be cared by someone who will love you? I can never had the chance to feel what does loves is all about? How does it feels? Why can't i have these kind of relationship with others? Everyone seems to had an awesome relationship and i don't. Explain to me what is love are all about? Define it to me. I need a companion to share my life with. Not as a friend, siblings but a special relationship. Everyone seems to say positive stuff about me and i should be in a relationship already. Unfortunately, i'm not having any relationship at all for the pass few year. Thanks for saying something positive about me girls and boys but i am still not in a relationship with anyone? Is there anything wrong about me? If there isn't, then how come i am not similar to other couples? Sometimes i would feel jealous. Jealous of watching couples being together. I myself also wanna feel how it's like to be in a special relationship? I would just shut the hell up and pretend to be happy. Inside my heart i felt so jealous and i felt like i am not worth to someone in this world. How sad is that huh?.. Wish that i am in a special relationship like other couples. =(

What had happen to us?

I mean we both were just fine in the beginning. Suddenly everything seems to change completely. I don't understand why is this happening? Did i do wrong or make something that you didn't like? You don't know how much i miss you so much. I could even barely think of other stuff except thinking of you. Do you think my smile are always in my heart as how my smile are shown on my face? The answer would be NO! My smile on my face was just a fake because i am crying all the time whenever i am thinking of you. I wish to see you once again. I wish to talk to you once again. I wish to feel your appearance in my existing life because right now i feel that your existance is not around and i can't feel your living soul in my life. I feel empty without you. Not a single word i heard from you after a fatal tragic happens. Beneath my heart, i am lonely without you. You have gone and vanish from my life without a sound. Your whisper usually calls me to please you but not anymore. It's just not the same when you're not around as before it was. One small thing could change the whole world of life. That is what happen in my life. You are missing in my heart and that change the whole thing in my world of life. It doesn't feel the same anymore after you're vanish. I keep on searching for you but all i seen was the shadow of your pictures. I keep on looking for you and all i got is the voice of a friend saying that you're not around anymore like before. It feels so different. I feel so 'unwanted' like before. I assume that you don't feel the way i feel right now. You wouldn't know how it feels to be left out and to be alone without you in my life. You're disappearance makes me useless for living. I need you to be there for me no matter where or what. As long as you are always there for me like i did. I will always there with you no matter what will happen. When you're down, i am the one who comfort you like i always did but you didn't know what is my purpose on comforting you. You didn't realise that i was always there for you. You keep on ignoring me that is why you didn't know my existance on comforting you. All you think was i am just saying the words of being there for you all the time but i never show up. Actually i was the first and one of the person who always there for you only that you were busy with other people's life and not mine. How could you think such thing? I was totally always there for you and you said that i don't even care if there is anything happen to you. You were wrong. I was there for you and i should say that you weren't there forme when i am in totally chaos of my life. Come on, you was too busy to ignore me even a second pass by your life. I wonder if i am gone, will you even care? Most probably.... NO! Ahh~~~ You words are just a fake and a lies which i should have notice it ever since before. All the promise that you've made to me was just a lies as well. My promise to you were never a lies. I kept my promise and i accomplish my promise. What about you? Do you keep your promise like i do? I guess not ='(

Happy Valentine's day?

Maybe not for me. I am happy but not about the Valentine's day. I am sad in the same time because of the Valentine's day.
I have no date on that occasion and i'm going back to Kuching on that occasion as well. Ahh~~ This Sucks!
But i have no regrets on buying stuff for someone that i love so much.
I was suppose to go out on Valentine's day but unfortunately i have no date which is sucks!
Anyway, happy or sad Valentine's day we just have to enjoyed it.
Daa ~ ~ ~

VaLenTine'S DaY to AlL!

Wish Come True
Sometimes?

My first thoughts of going back to Miri was "Could my wish come true to meet my friends that are so long i've not met? Could my wish come true to meet my friends who lives in overseas?" Well this question just keep on repeating in my mind. Feeling so down that i couldn't meet them even for a second. My last day in Miri was superb! Everyone starts to call me and asked me out. I indeed accept their invitation. Since it was my last day in Miri, so why should i just stayed at home doing nothing right?
Went out on my last night. Went to a place that is completely a spot of a meeting point for everyone (well... Almost everyone). As i reach to the meeting point, i sense that someone that i've been looking forward to meet will appear in my life after for so long i've not met.
I was wondering and minds asking question. Who could that "someone" are?
Went in the meeting point was awesome! People that i've not seen for ages for instant my cousin Doria, my friend Debbie Lo, my formal schoolmates, my chinese friends, my drink-till-drunk gangs and more!
I didn't expect that i would meet lots of my friends. Most of my happy moment when i am inside the meeting room was to meet my cousin Doria as well as meeting Debbie Lo. Gosh! No one knows how long i've not met my cousin Doria. She had lots of changes on herself and she indeed is beautiful since before. She was so shock to meet me actually because of my long hair but she likes the long hair. When she met me, she was like "OMG! Job, John. Job, John?" Aylwin immediately told her that i'm Job. " OMG! you've change a lot! How are you? You're getting big huh. Dude! You're hair. I like what you've done to you hair." **Sigh** I just hug her and talk to her and don't even bother my friends watching me hugging a beautiful girl. So as she don't even bother her boyfriend.
Doria was like saying that "last time you're so small. What happen to you? You seems to grow bigger. Like A LOT BIGGER than i've expected" All i answered was " umm... I don't know." Haha. Glad that i did meet her though. Miss her a lot. Last time my twin and i use to go to her house just to hang out with she and her family (when we're still small kids)
Whereas Debbie Lo. The first time i met her was just a pass-by-through. Didn't really get the chance to talk in person until my last day in Miri. Glad that we did talk thought. Happy that this moment happens on the right time. As i entered the meeting point place, i only had one can of beer. Then everyone start to buy me alcohol drinks. So eventually i drank a lot and people sponsor me a lot! Haha. Thanks you guys!

Lack of Sleeping

I'm lack of sleeping these days. Have no idea why is this happening to me. I've not sleep more than 48 hours. Don't feel tired or exhausted. Weird! The 1st 24 hours, i went online till the next day. The 2nd 24 hours was even the same but worst. Still don't feel any simptoms of tiring and sleepy. What the hell! I need to do something about it. I'm sure it would affect my health. A girl named Elyna is one of my friend. She was a bit worried towards my health and she asked me to force myself to sleep well i did tried but i only sleep like 3 hours. Bleahs! hopefully by tonight i could sleep. If not, i'm sure i'm gonna have health problem. Daa!

My days are full of happiness when i'm back in Home Sweet Home

After for so long i've not been back to miri, at last i finally got the chance to be back and to be with my family that i've miss so much once again. Finally, Home Sweet Home. There is no better place like HOME! YeaY!

First day in miri (02/02/08) i've reach miri and met my twin brother John, My Mommy, My sister Annabel, my brother Aylwin but not my eldest brother Aaron. I kinda feel so sad that he's not around. It's been few months since i've not meet him but honestly, i really miss him. At night on the same day i reach miri, John and i asked Aylwin to call Brian and Gwenne to meet somewhere else. Both John and i gave a huge suprise to Gwenne and Brian. We told everyone that we'll not be back for Chinese new year. When they saw both of us, the first thing they did to us was punching both of us on our sholder. After that gave both of us a big big hug!

Second day in miri (03/02/08) it was on sunday. We went to church and first person to met John and i was Joanna Fong (my Royal Princess). She was like suprise to see me and John. She asked lots of question. haha. It was kinda fun tho! After mass, both of us went to the choir row to greet all of them. Everyone was so suprise to meet us except Marelyn Telun Daniel. She know's about it already because i've told her about John and i coming back to miri. Garnette Fedora kinda get upset towards John and i because of not telling her that we came back for the short holiday. As for my Royal Princess, she didn't want to talk to both of us. In the afternoon, John and i went to Parkson. Gwenne, Brian and Shaleen was at parkson waiting for the both of us. Brian and Gwenne already knew that we're back except for Shaleen. Went to Mc Donald to meet them. At first Shaleen was curious. She was asking herself "Why do that person really looks like John?" Then a few seconds later then she realised that it is John. She was like "What the hell???" and keep on repeating the words continuously. All of us just laugh about it except for Shaleen. Haha! Was at parkson till late evening. Went back home before 7pm. As we reach home, immediately i went out of the car and look for my eldest brother Aaron (Junior). First word he said to me was "see whose back hair is much longer" Annabel measured both of our back hair and the decision have been made. My hair are longer than Junior's hair. Junior was like "John!!! Take scissor for me! I wanna cut Job's hair!" Haha! He was fooling around. Second thing we both did was hugging each other. Honestly, i cried when i hug Junior. I finally could talk and be with him after for so long away from my family. That's is one of my touching moment. Which is missing him so much. Then after that, Junior show a rough sketch of our home that will be re-built in few months time. From upstairs room to outside of our home. His idea of re-built the house are really amazing. I can't wait to see my NEW home! Looking forward about our Home Sweet Home. Junior, John and i talk about an hour plus. About 9.30pm then we all had our dinner.

Third day in miri (04/02/08). John stayed at home to do his assignment and learn for upcoming exams while i followed Junior to his working place. When around almost the whole city with him. He do his work while i just followed his tail wherever he goes. Haha! Went back home about 5pm. Then the 3 of us (including John) get ready for karate training at Kelab Rekreasi Petroliam (KRP) also known as KSL. During training, everyone was suprise to see my hair. It was totally different than before. Went back home at 9pm then had our dinner.

Fourth day in miri (05/02/08). It's the day when John and i change our identity Card. Both of us are 18 years old and when anyone are in the 18 years old, everyone have to change their Identity Card. Went to the bank in the morning because Junior wants to withdraw some cash. About 2pm, John and i went to do our identity card. I asked John to smile when taking picture. So do i. Big smile on both of our face would be in our identity card in the future. Haha! Next thing, we went to change our Bank Card. Sent mummy to KWSP office. While waiting for mummy to finish doing her things at KWSP office, Junior, John and i went to eat rojak behind Mega Hotel. When we were about to look for a table to seat, we saw My Royal Princess having Rojak with her sibling as well. She was like happy to see both John and i tho. She text me a message saying that she did missed call my phone when we were somewhere at Boulevard area. That time i was out of credit so i didn't call back (sorry Princess Dear. Didn't meant to ignore your miss call). Anyway, about 5.30pm we fetch mummy from the KWSP office and then hurried back home. Reason why we hurried back home is because we have karate training at 5.30pm till 6.30pm. So we're kinda late that time. Reach home, immediately get ready then hurried to GCM (forgot the full name of the place). It's kinda sort of like KSL tho. Reach home nearly 7pm. About 8.30pm, John and i went out with Brian and Gwenne. We fetch them at home after that we went to Perwira. We invited Dennis out as well (John's collegemate/roommate). Was at Perwira till 12am. More or less in between of 12am and 1am.

Fifth day in miri (06/02/08) Woke up slightly early on that day because Junior brought John and i to Limbang. He goes to Limbang for work while John and i accompany him the whole day. 10am from home. Start our journey to Limbang.Reach Limbang around 1pm something. Had our lunch at KFC Limbang. Less than an hour, we start our journey back to Miri. We used car to Limbang tho. All through the way back home, we make a comparison on what time will we be reaching to Miri. Reach Miri about 5.20pm then immediately fetch mummy from her office. Reach home with an exhausted face. That night was Chinese New Year eve. About 7pm, John, Mummy, Annabel and i went to church for ash wednesday. We went for the Iban mass. Honestly, we could barely understand every single words in mass. My family are Iban but we are used to english mass. That's the reason why our face especially John and i got blurr. Haha! When times people said "Peace be with you", it was in iban and both John and i didn't know how to say. Instead just saying 'Peace be with you', John and i said "Ngai belayak ngau nuan". In iban it means i don't want to fight with you. Lol! When back home after mass then a few minutes after that, Aylwin came back from work. He started work again at 2am so he had to go home and clean himself up. John and i went to send Aylwin to his place of work then went back home immediately. On Chinese new year eve, John, Junior and i was suppose to go out to see the fireworks when the clock strikes midnight but the 3 of us was too exhausted so we cancelled going out. John slept early that night while i enjoyed watching the fireworks. It was noisy but it was lovely. Around 12.30 am i went to my neighbour's house. It has been awhile i have not met my neighbours. Hang out with my neighbour till 1am then went back home to sleep.

Sixth day in miri (07/02/08). It was the first day of Chinese New Year. Junior went visiting on his own, while Mummy, Annabel, John and i followed with mummy to her friends house. Went visit to 2 of mummy's friends house and then went back home. John and i continued visiting after that. Went to fetch Garnette at her own house then went to My Royal Princess house. Was suppose to fetch Gwenne as well but she said that she'll go on her own and meet her up at my Princess's house. Reach there about 3pm and hang out there till 5pm. Most of the time My Princess is always with me. We took picture together and so as the others to picture with My Princess. Then 2 or 3 pictures were taken in a group. My Princess was on my side. We asked My princess sister to take our group picture. At first Heidi (Princess's Sister) didn't want. At the end she help to take our group picture.Haha! We make a move and went to Brian's house. Princess couldn't join us to Brian's house :-( Was at Brian's house till 7pm and then went to my cousin's house nearby. After for so long, John and i met Hunny (Yusuf) at Brian's house. Missed the old days we've spent together tho. Mummy and Annabel was at my cousin's house already. Was at my cousin's house till 10pm i guess. Couldn't remember.

Seventh day in miri (08/02/08). Second day of Chinese New year. It's the year of the rat. (according to the Chinese Calendar). In the morning, John, mummy and i went to mummy's office. We went there because John needs to complete his assignment and while i watch Anime story from the internet. Went back home at 12pm to fetch Junior. We went to Teacher Johnny Tan's house. Was at there about less than an hour. Went back home and Junior went out visiting on his own again. About 2pm John and i went to fetch Gwenne and Garnette and brought both of them visiting with us. We went to Dennis house for visiting. Before we went to Dennis's house, we went to Boulevard. Garnette went to develop her picture. While waiting for the picture to be develop, Gwenne and Garnette went window shopping at the girls cloth wear. As for me and John, we both went to the second highest floor to play token games. Haha! It was fun tho. Reach at Dennis's house a few minutes before 5pm. Was at Dennis's house till 5.20pm. In between the time of 5pm and 5.20pm, something hilarious done by Garnette. It's kinda funny when Garnette asked Dennis a question "Apek! I want angpao" *with a huge smile on Garnette's face*. John, Gwenne and i was so suprise that she asked for angpao just like that. I mean most people wouldn't ask because it's kinda rude (no offense Garnette) but she has the guts to ask Dennis about it. All of us just laugh. Garnette can never stop digging the food in the jar everytime we went visiting. Haha! 5.30pm John and i send Garnette and Gwenne to Shaleen's house after that both of us when to Daddy's house. Spent less than an hour at Daddy's house then went visiting with Daddy. After visiting, we sent Daddy back home. Before sending Daddy back home, we fetch Brian and brought him to hang out with us. Eventually he was suppose to go to Shaleen's house but i said that he didn't want and he gave a lot of excuses for not going to Shaleen's house. Lol! Stop by at Daddy's house for an hour plus and then Daddy told John, Brian and i something that we didn't expected to be reality. That is, Daddy told the 3 of us that we are related. Well not related near but in distance relative. Kinda suprise after Daddy said that tho. Lol! About 10pm, we went to John's collegemate's house for visiting. Stop at Aone (a coffee shop) for a drink and went back home. We reach home about 12am something like that.

Eighth day in miri (09/02/08). Woke up in the morning then immediately went online cause i got nothing to do till afternoon appear. About 1pm, John and i went to fetch Brian. Instead of him getting ready for visiting, he haven't shower and he still played DoTa (an online game). We had to wait for him. 15 minutes before 2pm, we make a move to My Princess house (this is the second time we went to My Princess house.John and i have promise Princess, Gwenne and Brian that we go to My Princess house on the 3rd day of Chinese New Year. Was at My Princess house till 4.45pm. At Princess house, i met Alom (one of our friends) and i meet a new friend as well. Her name is Candy and she's one of Gwenne, Shaleen and My Princess friend. So Candy, if you are reading this, i would like to say nice meeting you and thanks for being part of my life. Your appearance into my world are most welcome :-) we watch silly story when we were at My Princess house and Princess, once again alway right beside me.Before we went back home, all of us hug and said "see ya soon" or should i say it in japanese language and explain it "Sayonara" and "Arigato Gozaimatsu" Reach home few minutes before 5pm and watch a movie titled "Race The Sun". It's an awesome story to be watch. The Sun vanished from the Sky and the Moon appear for the night. Went to mummy friend's relatives house to celebrate birthday. Went to Jacqulyne Juman's house for an hour then went back to where the birthday party held.

Ninth day in miri (10/02/08). It's John's last day in miri and i'm gonna miss him so much! Junior went travelling to Kota Kinabalu for holiday trip. So that was the last day i'm meeting Junior. Went to church that sunday morning as usual. After finish mass, My Princess went to me and invited John and i to hang out with them in the afternoon at parkson. Went to the choir row to meet Garnette, Lulu and Alison. Princess Invited Garnette to parkson as well. At first everyone not sure either to go out or not. By not thinking too much and immediately make our decision, we confirm that we are going to meet each other in parkson. Went for breakfast at Yakin coffee shop then went to send Annabel to her place of work. After that, we went to Boulevard. John went to buy his stuff for his assignment while i bought 3 red beautiful flowers for Sonia Uli Crocker as a Valentine's Day gift. She don't even know about it tho. After that, we went to mummy's office to finish up John's assignment. About 1pm, John and i drop mummy at home and immediately went to St.Joseph Cathedral church to fetch Garnette and My princess. We reach parkson at 2pm after fetching both of the girls in church. Went to meet up with Shaleen and Gwenne. A few minutes after that, Candy came as well. About 3pm i guess, i went to meet Brian up at the entrance of parkson. Had our lunch at Mc Donald after that we went shopping. Brian and i split up with the other because we went to buy a necklace for Gwenne. On 12/02/08 is Gwenne's birthday so we decided to buy something for her. A few minutes after that, John and i split up with the others. We both went to search a birthday present for Gwenne (me again =.= Lol!) John told me that we both should buy Gwenne a bracelet. Gwenne did told John that she want her name on the bracelet. Then i recommended John the Custome own made bracelet. Search for her name including a love shape and without hesitation, we bought it immediately.Went to Coffee Bean to meet the others and then chit-chat in Coffee Bean. About 5.45pm, we went back but before we went back home, John and i asked Gwenne to closed her eyes and raise her hand straight. While i close Gwenne's eyes, Brian hold her hand and John attach the bracelet onto Gwenne's left hand. When she open her eyes, she thought it was just a simple bracelet until John and i said "turn the bracelet over" it was written her name "Gwen" with a love symbol on the bracelet. She was so speechless till she almost cried. John and i wish her happy birthday in advance and gave her a bracelet as her birthday present. Everyone adore's the bracelet that John and i bought for Gwenne. Haha! Sent Garnette back home then went to Marelyn's house to give her my sketch book and let she see and other of her friends to see the sketch book as well. I told her that i'll be collecting the sketch book back on Wednesday evening and pass her the flowers that i've bought for Sonia as a Valentine's day gift from me. I asked Marelyn to help me to pass it to Sonia on thursday. Since she is in the same class with Sonia and it's more convenient. Sent Gwenne back home and then went back home immediately. Went to airport to send John. Was there around 7pm till 15 minutes before 9pm. Kinda sad that time when leaving John tho. Gonna miss him once again. Ahhh~~~ Went to Warung Najua after that for a drink then went back home. The whole night i went online till the next morning.

Tenth day in miri (11/02/08) Nothing much to do today except went online the whole day as well. Nothing much i rather do today tho. I don't have fun with John not around. So i spent the whole day in the room. Went out for lunch then went in the room again after lunch.

That is it for my blog. It's more than a week story of my life that are full of laughter, happiness, sadness, boredoomness and other expression that i don't know what should i write in my blog. Anyway, enjoy it, have fun reading and I LoVe YoU aLL To The MAX!

From left: Annabell Aurelia, Theodoric Job (me), Aldridge Aylwin, Mumm, Aaron (Junior) and Theodore John

After a few month i didnt meet my family, it's kinda lonely without them thought.
Was planning to come back to Miri for Christmas and New Year but John (my Twin) didn't come back because of his exam whih is kinda sucks bout it. So mum decided to asked me to go Kuala Lumpur and be with john. Celebrate the twins birthday (john and I), celebrate christmas and even celebrate New Year. So basically John and i gonna celebrate this 3 special occasion without my mum and my siblings. It's a bit sad for me actually because it's kinda lonely without them when we celebrate this 3 special occasion. Bleahs! What to do, have to celebrate with John only for this year.

Anyway, i dunno bout how John feel la. Either sad or not that i dunno. Need to ask him thought. Hmm... What else did i wanna say huh? Bleahs! Forgetful me! Oh yea, last wednesday night (05/12/07) i text message with Michelle Ruran. Before i start texting her, she miss called my phone. So i miss called her phone. Then she text me saying that i kedekut wanna call her. So i reply her and said "i got not much credit to call you, you are the one who kedekut wanna call me." Then she said "i'm so borink rite now. No one is texting me. Dah la he go back kampung didnt tell me even! Go and left me like that only!" So i was like "WHAT!?!?" So i asked her immediately, who the hell is this 'HE' you're talking about? Why are you angry at me? Am i the person that left you??!? Then she say that her BOYFRIEND left to kampung didnt told her. I was a bit shock actually because she didnt told me earlier and also a bit sad because there is someone much much better in her life already appear while i still love her like before. I asked her why didnt she told me before? She said she was sorry and told me everything bout it. Well, not everything actually. Bleahs! In the morning on wednesday (05/12/07) i was so happy. In a very good mood till night appear, i became sad and moody. Feel like not talking because after reading the message that Michelle Ruran has a new Boyfriend already.Arghh! so hate it!

Okay. This 2 girls and especially on the right side girl, i miss her so much till i dream bout her like almost every night. It's kinda weird about something thought. I just know her when times she and a few of her schoolmate went to kuching. There were in kuching like 3 days only and LiL Sonia (the girl on the right side) called me big Brother. The first time i saw her was the first day when i meet them in Kuching. I was like so anxious to meet and to know about her. I asked Gloria Garnett (on of their friend and also my own friend) to help me out. So as i seek help from Marelyn Telun (the girl on the left side). Then the next day in the evening i went to meet them again at Kuching Waterfront. At first i didn't notice she was there thought until i saw her crying somewhere there. I was like OMG! What happen to her? Did something just happen? Then Marelyn told me she was not feeling well. So i asked her. "Did you take any medicine just now?" She said no. She told me that she's gonna take her medicine after she reach back to their apartment.

The next day, i went to their apartment around 10pm at night with Willy. I asked Marelyn, Gloria, Garnette and LiL Sonia to join us for a drink for the last night. So they did join. Most of the time Willy, Gloria, Marelyn and i were the one who always talk and talk and talk. Garnette and LiL Sonia is speechless and quite. Garnette was so tired that's why she was quite. Then LiL Sonia was still not feeling well and don't really know much bout us that's why she was quite only. I was so speechless when i wanna say something to LiL Sonia. I asked for Gloria's help then she did help. Haha. Then they say they wanna go back to their apartment. So Willy and i walk them to their apartment. When we reach at their staircase near their room, i told Gloria that i dunno what to say. I'm so speechless. Suddenly Gloria asked LiL Sonia a question. The question was like this "Sonia, Jobby wanna ask you something" With a smiley on Gloria face when she told to LiL Sonia. I was like. WTF...WTF...WTF...WTF! What the hell am i gonna ask and gonna say??? Then LiL Sonia ask me "what is it?" then i answered her..."Huh...*still thinking*...*got an idea*..can i have your phone number if you don't mind?" Everyone like laugh so loud including myself. So LiL Sonia did gave her phone nnumber to me. Then comes a text message to LiL Sonia from Zaid (one of their friend which like LiL Sonia) that nakes LiL Sonia cried. I was like, OMG! What happen? Can i help or anything? At first the girls didn't want to tell until a few minutes after that then they asked for our help. So i help LiL Sonia with her problem which cause her cried so badly (actually i'm the one who help. Willy didn't help anything thought) LoL! Then she said that she wanna talk face-to-face with This Zaid guy. So i say "it's best to talk to him face-to-face. Much easier and better. So LiL Sonia went to meet Zaid outside of their apartment. About half an hour she meet said, she come back. She was crying. Marelyn and the others asked me to comfort her. So i went and comfort her. I asked her either she wants to stay for awhile and hang out with us or not. She said "no thank you, not really in a good mood that time" She said sorry. Then i said it's okay. We all understand. Don't worry. She gave me a hug before she went back to her apartment. I was so suprise that time thought. I'm the only person that get a hug from her.

Since that day, she called me big bro and i called her my LiL Sonia. Last Saturday i dream about LiL Sonia. It was kinda a bad nightmare for me. When i woke up in the morning, i cried suddenly. It shows that i miss her so badly. Then i told everything to LiL Sonia about my dream. The dream was i leave LiL Sonia without saying goodbye or anything. She told me that leaving neither me nor her won't be happen. I was a bit happy when i heard bout what did she said that.

Anyway, i guess that the end for this bloggy. Sorry didn't blog for quite so long. Been so busy with college life since the last few weeks...Bleahs!

Last but not least. I miss you LiL Sonia! God Bless you and take care yea =D I promise you that i'll always be there for you and i wish you that you'll pass your PMR result and don't worry LiL Sonia, you will do excellent and will ahve a flying colours in your PMR. Loves JoBbY!

Okay...oKay...
1st of all....Do you know that this isn't me...haha...
It's my twin brother Theodore John Lingan...
You know how much i miss him so badly...
Well i guess you all don't.
For 17 years been together and got separated this year...
So that's just bored rite...&& sad...bleahs!
Anyway,he did asked me to post his own-made poem...
or quotes...i don't know....
Well...i did promise him right?
so here it is bro =)

" Watching th moon at night...
As its passes above me...
Wandered is life like the Moon and the Sun...
its like the Day and the Night.
Watching the night in the star near the moon,
watch the moon in the sky
which all seems connected
to be a reason of a human love relationship circle
about life is going around and around
And has no ends.
Life is a sea which have its own generation from the past
to the current timebeing."

Well bro...there it is...hope you're satisfied with it...
I did add a bit because there's grammar mistake....haha..
You should learn english more =b
hahaha!
Anyway...that's it for today's blog!
Gonna bloG again soon =)
*SmIlEs*

The 4 picture above is a christmas season...
Soon its gonna be christmas....
I'm a little bit sad because i'm not going anywhere...
Just gonna stay in kuching....
1st of all...
I'm gonna celebrate my birthday alone without my twin brother...John ='(
My birthday is gonna be on the 22nd December...
Usually my twin brother & i gonna celebrate it together...
But this year is different...I'm gonna celebrate it alone without him...
I'm sure gonna cry because this is my 1st time celebrating my birthday without him.
2nd of all...
Christmas gonna be a boredoom without John =(
I'm gonna miss him during...

My birthday...

My christmas...

My New year...

Looks like i'm gonna celebrate everything by my own...
Everybody gonna have a very happy celebration while i just celebrate it by my own...
Everyone asked me to go back miri for christmas...
But my holidays start on the 23 dec 07 till 1 Jan 08
What is the use of going back if my holidays is short right...
makes well i just stay...
But the thing is i'm gonna be so boredoom....
Even if i do go back to miri...I'm sure i'm not celebrating my birthday at miri...
That is even worst!
Bleahs!
I was thinking of doing some party for my 18th birthday...
But how?
Its not that i'm going back or anything...I'm like staying alone at home...
So not gonna have any 18th birthday party tho... =(
To me...My 18th birthday is kinda important...
Because there is where the freedom start in my life...
But i guess right the moment, it is not important anymore...
Because no one is celebrating for me or with me.
Nothing that its gonna be special on that day...
Unless people plan a suprise party for my 18th birthday...
Bleahs! So troublesome of my friggen life!
Arghh! ='(

Wondering why is this star Night picture was here...
Well this picture is related to a lyric which i wrote and it's called 'Under The Stars'
Hope everyone like it la :]
This lyric gotta to do with my life so i'm thinking of post it in my blog.
Anyway...Enjoy the lyric and the beautiful words =]

"Under The Stars" Wrote by Theodoric Job Lingan

Verse 1

Watching the stars at night

There's nothing that i rather do

The moon is the only light

That i can be still look at you

Chorus

So lets make these memory last

Of this night to be come to claim mars

I promise i never forget

Such a perfect night under the stars

Verse 2

The air is full with comfort

The air is full with tears

There's nothing we have to look out for

So lets make the most of this place

Chorus

So lets make these memory last

Of this night to be come to claim mars

I promise i never forget

Such a perfect night under the stars

Bridge

I promise you, i promise you

I promise you, i promise you

I promise you, i promise you

I promise you, i promise you

Chorus

So lets make these memory last

Of this night to be come to claim mars

I promise i never forget

Such a perfect night under the stars

Chorus

So lets make these memory last

Of this night to be come to claim mars

I promise i never forget

Such a perfect night under the stars

Bridge

I promise you, i promise you

I promise you, i promise you

I promise you, i promise you

I promise you, i promise you

That's it.... Hope you all like it... These is what i can do so far...
So what you all think about it? Is it ok? Hmm... Do let me know aite :]
Please and thank you everyone :D
This song it's kinda related to me because i do promise you and will not forget what i've promise you since before... I know im not that great but i'm trying my best for you.
Anyway.... God Bless :]

Love is explainig above in the picture.

Sometimes i wonder...

Why can i have a special relationship like others?

Am i not good enough to have one?

Is it because of my characteristic is different than others?

Who would love me?

When will i know that person loves me?

A few mysterious question huh.

"Love the one who loves you.
Never hate the one who hates you.
Don't wait for the one who never loves you.
And never make the one who loves you wait for you.
Try to find love and Search for the meaning of it.
But never wish to have it.
Appreciate the one who loves you and value their love.
Never let them down.
Because love may come unseen.
And you can only see it when it's gone."

The words that LiL Gwenne told me.

Day by day i tried to figure out what is the question behind this words.

What is the real meaning deep inside this words?

But i failed to understand the whole picture of it.

Ga'aH!

It's confusing my mind & my life!

Now i'm stuck in the attic & my life is draining and pouring like rain.

*Sight*

I'm drowning in the love relationship but it has no water at the place i'm drowning..?

I need a cure medicine!

A cure medicine which are never could be found except i myself!

I figure out that it's worst to live alone.

I will never understand what does "LOVE" means until someone who loves me & willing to share her special relationship with me.

Then i'll understand the whole picture about love.

It's true that some people do show me what is "LOVE" means.

But in a special relationship type of love.

The phrase or words that was shown above is still a puzzle that needs to be done & arrange in the correct spaces that are given only for it.

Everyone could see the sun...
The sea...
and the clouds...
Beautiful right?
Now let me say something...
See how wonderful the view is? Everyone loves to see a beautiful view like this right.
So what i'm gonna say is...
Why can't we have this kind of 'wonderful' and 'beautiful' relationship like shown in the picture....
I mean...
The sea is 'PEACE'
while the sun is giving 'LIGHT' to our life
& the clouds has the opportunity for us to be 'CALM'.
Am i right?
Let talk about the sea now.
The reason why i say that the sea is 'PEACE' is because i don't think anyone wants a war while we have a wonderful life to live.
And this war i'm talking about is the relationship of love.
We do know that every couple would fight just because some stupid matters.
Then in the end...
Relationship are destroyed...
KabooM!
Spoil!
Now is about the Sun.
I gives 'LIGHT' to everyone.
In our life...
When we achieve something...
We would be happy right?
So we have the 'LIGHT'.
This 'LIGHT' that i mean
mostly would be in the starting of a new relationship.
When someone say to you...
'I LOVE YOU'.
We would surely be so happy right?
There where our 'LIGHT' appears in life.
'CALM'....
Hmm.....
What to describe about 'CALM'?
I'm sure when everyone goes to the beach suddenly you will see the sky....
The sea...
Everything that are at the beach...
Especially the sky...
You & everyone of us will feel so calm and not feeling worried about anything...
Problem in life just disappear pronto!

So that is it...Figure out what im talking about && try to be like the sun...the sea...or even the clouds =D

Part of my life was Wondering Around

I kinda realise that a part of my life was wondering around.

I didn't know at first until i realise that i push myself away from love relationship.

Now that's odd.Everyone seems to search for love but me.I just don't care about love tho.

It hurts me so badly the last time i felt in love.Crush so hard till i fall!

Then i realise i've change.

From happy to sad.

Self-confidence to awkward person.

Then some people help me out after i felt...

Brian,Barry,Gwenne,Garnette & Aylwin =D

Thank you so much! Without you guys...I wont be this happy as i was =D

Not only them...there are others too...

She are one of the girl who helps me to gain back my confidence

Thanks Princess...I so owe u one =D

&& also both of them...especially willy...without u bro...i dunno wat to do anymore
then these girl on the left...u are amazing...always there to hear my probs.I just wish i could
help u on your probs too =/
thanks yah =D