What Happen To Me?

I'm not my usual character recently. Get easily mad, always not in the mood and most importantly, jealous to a friend for sudden. My friends doesn't understand me. Nor do I do not understand myself. I blame myself for being not understandable. I'm such a selfish, ego, self centered, and last but not least, pathetic idiot at all times. There is a short quote I wrote before when I was in a plane going back to Kuching. I wrote it on 11 January 2009. Here goes...

Another World

Hearing your voice is like
Listening to an angel voices.
Your laughter calms my life
Like the waves at the sea
That hits the million stones on the shore.
As I watch the sun kiss the sea,
I felt like staying in another world.
Another world with peace, joy and laughter
Of happy emotion.

Anyway, I ignored my messages with everyone, phone calls was neglected as well. Not taken my meals for a day since last night. Skip breakfast, lunch and dinner. Feel like wanted to faint and I was really wishing that I would faint when I was driving my motorcycle back from college. I'm hiding a secret from everyone about my health. Don't even bother to tell what is my problem. Some things are main to be kept by myself.

Haruskah ku mendiamkan diri untuk selamanya?
Adakah sesiapa yang akan menghiraukan ku?
Apakah kebaikan yang ada pada diriku yang amat penting bagimu?
Jikalau ku hilang selama-lamanya, siapakah yang akan mencari ku dan merindui ku?
Apakah sebab engkau untuk menangis dan merindui ku setelah kian ku tiada di dunia ini?

Ingin ku membuat suate permintaan daripada semua rakan ku yang telah berada di sisiku selama hidupku. Ia itu, lupakanlah aku selamanya kerana tiada ertinya untuk menangis ketiadaan kewujudan ku di dunia sebelum ini. Lupakan keriangan yang kita telah kongsi bersama sebab ku tidak menginginkan orang lain untuk menggantikan keriangan kita bersama. Anggapkanlah yang aku adalah sebahagian dari mimpi-mimpi indah dan sedih mu pada waktu malam.